ACT V SCENE II LEONATO'S garden. [Enter BENEDICK and MARGARET, meeting] BENEDICK Pray thee, sweet Mistress Margaret, deserve well at my hands by helping me to the speech of Beatrice. MARGARET Will you then write me a sonnet in praise of my beauty? BENEDICK In so high a style, Margaret, that no man living shall come over it; for, in most comely truth, thou deservest it. MARGARET To have no man come over me! why, shall I always keep below stairs? BENEDICK Thy wit is as quick as the greyhound's mouth; it catches. MARGARET And yours as blunt as the fencer's foils, which hit, but hurt not. BENEDICK A most manly wit, Margaret; it will not hurt a woman: and so, I pray thee, call Beatrice: I give thee the bucklers. MARGARET Give us the swords; we have bucklers of our own. BENEDICK If you use them, Margaret, you must put in the pikes with a vice; and they are dangerous weapons for maids. MARGARET Well, I will call Beatrice to you, who I think hath legs. BENEDICK And therefore will come. [Exit MARGARET] [Sings] The god of love, That sits above, And knows me, and knows me, How pitiful I deserve,-- I mean in singing; but in loving, Leander the good swimmer, Troilus the first employer of panders, and a whole bookful of these quondam carpet-mangers, whose names yet run smoothly in the even road of a blank verse, why, they were never so truly turned over and over as my poor self in love. Marry, I cannot show it in rhyme; I have tried: I can find out no rhyme to 'lady' but 'baby,' an innocent rhyme; for 'scorn,' 'horn,' a hard rhyme; for, 'school,' 'fool,' a babbling rhyme; very ominous endings: no, I was not born under a rhyming planet, nor I cannot woo in festival terms. [Enter BEATRICE] Sweet Beatrice, wouldst thou come when I called thee? BEATRICE Yea, signior, and depart when you bid me. BENEDICK O, stay but till then! BEATRICE 'Then' is spoken; fare you well now: and yet, ere I go, let me go with that I came; which is, with knowing what hath passed between you and Claudio. BENEDICK Only foul words; and thereupon I will kiss thee. BEATRICE Foul words is but foul wind, and foul wind is but foul breath, and foul breath is noisome; therefore I will depart unkissed. BENEDICK Thou hast frighted the word out of his right sense, so forcible is thy wit. But I must tell thee plainly, Claudio undergoes my challenge; and either I must shortly hear from him, or I will subscribe him a coward. And, I pray thee now, tell me for which of my bad parts didst thou first fall in love with me? BEATRICE For them all together; which maintained so politic a state of evil that they will not admit any good part to intermingle with them. But for which of my good parts did you first suffer love for me? BENEDICK Suffer love! a good epithet! I do suffer love indeed, for I love thee against my will. BEATRICE In spite of your heart, I think; alas, poor heart! If you spite it for my sake, I will spite it for yours; for I will never love that which my friend hates. BENEDICK Thou and I are too wise to woo peaceably. BEATRICE It appears not in this confession: there's not one wise man among twenty that will praise himself. BENEDICK An old, an old instance, Beatrice, that lived in the lime of good neighbours. If a man do not erect in this age his own tomb ere he dies, he shall live no longer in monument than the bell rings and the widow weeps. BEATRICE And how long is that, think you? BENEDICK Question: why, an hour in clamour and a quarter in rheum: therefore is it most expedient for the wise, if Don Worm, his conscience, find no impediment to the contrary, to be the trumpet of his own virtues, as I am to myself. So much for praising myself, who, I myself will bear witness, is praiseworthy: and now tell me, how doth your cousin? BEATRICE Very ill. BENEDICK And how do you? BEATRICE Very ill too. BENEDICK Serve God, love me and mend. There will I leave you too, for here comes one in haste. [Enter URSULA] URSULA Madam, you must come to your uncle. Yonder's old coil at home: it is proved my Lady Hero hath been falsely accused, the prince and Claudio mightily abused; and Don John is the author of all, who is fed and gone. Will you come presently? BEATRICE Will you go hear this news, signior? BENEDICK I will live in thy heart, die in thy lap, and be buried in thy eyes; and moreover I will go with thee to thy uncle's. [Exeunt] MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING ACT V SCENE III A church. [Enter DON PEDRO, CLAUDIO, and three or four with tapers] CLAUDIO Is this the monument of Leonato? Lord It is, my lord. CLAUDIO [Reading out of a scroll] Done to death by slanderous tongues Was the Hero that here lies: Death, in guerdon of her wrongs, Gives her fame which never dies. So the life that died with shame Lives in death with glorious fame. Hang thou there upon the tomb, Praising her when I am dumb. Now, music, sound, and sing your solemn hymn. SONG. Pardon, goddess of the night, Those that slew thy virgin knight; For the which, with songs of woe, Round about her tomb they go. Midnight, assist our moan; Help us to sigh and groan, Heavily, heavily: Graves, yawn and yield your dead, Till death be uttered, Heavily, heavily. CLAUDIO Now, unto thy bones good night! Yearly will I do this rite. DON PEDRO Good morrow, masters; put your torches out: The wolves have prey'd; and look, the gentle day, Before the wheels of Phoebus, round about Dapples the drowsy east with spots of grey. Thanks to you all, and leave us: fare you well. CLAUDIO Good morrow, masters: each his several way. DON PEDRO Come, let us hence, and put on other weeds; And then to Leonato's we will go. CLAUDIO And Hymen now with luckier issue speed's Than this for whom we render'd up this woe. [Exeunt] MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING ACT V SCENE IV A room in LEONATO'S house. [Enter LEONATO, ANTONIO, BENEDICK, BEATRICE, MARGARET, URSULA, FRIAR FRANCIS, and HERO] FRIAR FRANCIS Did I not tell you she was innocent? LEONATO So are the prince and Claudio, who accused her Upon the error that you heard debated: But Margaret was in some fault for this, Although against her will, as it appears In the true course of all the question. ANTONIO Well, I am glad that all things sort so well. BENEDICK And so am I, being else by faith enforced To call young Claudio to a reckoning for it. LEONATO Well, daughter, and you gentle-women all, Withdraw into a chamber by yourselves, And when I send for you, come hither mask'd. [Exeunt Ladies] The prince and Claudio promised by this hour To visit me. You know your office, brother: You must be father to your brother's daughter And give her to young Claudio. ANTONIO Which I will do with confirm'd countenance. BENEDICK Friar, I must entreat your pains, I think. FRIAR FRANCIS To do what, signior? BENEDICK To bind me, or undo me; one of them. Signior Leonato, truth it is, good signior, Your niece regards me with an eye of favour. LEONATO That eye my daughter lent her: 'tis most true. BENEDICK And I do with an eye of love requite her. LEONATO The sight whereof I think you had from me, From Claudio and the prince: but what's your will? BENEDICK Your answer, sir, is enigmatical: But, for my will, my will is your good will May stand with ours, this day to be conjoin'd In the state of honourable marriage: In which, good friar, I shall desire your help. LEONATO My heart is with your liking. FRIAR FRANCIS And my help. Here comes the prince and Claudio. [Enter DON PEDRO and CLAUDIO, and two or three others] DON PEDRO Good morrow to this fair assembly. LEONATO Good morrow, prince; good morrow, Claudio: We here attend you. Are you yet determined To-day to marry with my brother's daughter? CLAUDIO I'll hold my mind, were she an Ethiope. LEONATO Call her forth, brother; here's the friar ready. [Exit ANTONIO] DON PEDRO Good morrow, Benedick. Why, what's the matter, That you have such a February face, So full of frost, of storm and cloudiness? CLAUDIO I think he thinks upon the savage bull. Tush, fear not, man; we'll tip thy horns with gold And all Europa shall rejoice at thee, As once Europa did at lusty Jove, When he would play the noble beast in love. BENEDICK Bull Jove, sir, had an amiable low; And some such strange bull leap'd your father's cow, And got a calf in that same noble feat Much like to you, for you have just his bleat. CLAUDIO For this I owe you: here comes other reckonings. [Re-enter ANTONIO, with the Ladies masked] Which is the lady I must seize upon? ANTONIO This same is she, and I do give you her. CLAUDIO Why, then she's mine. Sweet, let me see your face. LEONATO No, that you shall not, till you take her hand Before this friar and swear to marry her. CLAUDIO Give me your hand: before this holy friar, I am your husband, if you like of me. HERO And when I lived, I was your other wife: [Unmasking] And when you loved, you were my other husband. CLAUDIO Another Hero! HERO Nothing certainer: One Hero died defiled, but I do live, And surely as I live, I am a maid. DON PEDRO The former Hero! Hero that is dead! LEONATO She died, my lord, but whiles her slander lived. FRIAR FRANCIS All this amazement can I qualify: When after that the holy rites are ended, I'll tell you largely of fair Hero's death: Meantime let wonder seem familiar, And to the chapel let us presently. BENEDICK Soft and fair, friar. Which is Beatrice? BEATRICE [Unmasking] I answer to that name. What is your will? BENEDICK Do not you love me? BEATRICE Why, no; no more than reason. BENEDICK Why, then your uncle and the prince and Claudio Have been deceived; they swore you did. BEATRICE Do not you love me? BENEDICK Troth, no; no more than reason. BEATRICE Why, then my cousin Margaret and Ursula Are much deceived; for they did swear you did. BENEDICK They swore that you were almost sick for me. BEATRICE They swore that you were well-nigh dead for me. BENEDICK 'Tis no such matter. Then you do not love me? BEATRICE No, truly, but in friendly recompense. LEONATO Come, cousin, I am sure you love the gentleman. CLAUDIO And I'll be sworn upon't that he loves her; For here's a paper written in his hand, A halting sonnet of his own pure brain, Fashion'd to Beatrice. HERO And here's another Writ in my cousin's hand, stolen from her pocket, Containing her affection unto Benedick. BENEDICK A miracle! here's our own hands against our hearts. Come, I will have thee; but, by this light, I take thee for pity. BEATRICE I would not deny you; but, by this good day, I yield upon great persuasion; and partly to save your life, for I was told you were in a consumption. BENEDICK Peace! I will stop your mouth. [Kissing her] DON PEDRO How dost thou, Benedick, the married man? BENEDICK I'll tell thee what, prince; a college of wit-crackers cannot flout me out of my humour. Dost thou think I care for a satire or an epigram? No: if a man will be beaten with brains, a' shall wear nothing handsome about him. In brief, since I do purpose to marry, I will think nothing to any purpose that the world can say against it; and therefore never flout at me for what I have said against it; for man is a giddy thing, and this is my conclusion. For thy part, Claudio, I did think to have beaten thee, but in that thou art like to be my kinsman, live unbruised and love my cousin. CLAUDIO I had well hoped thou wouldst have denied Beatrice, that I might have cudgelled thee out of thy single life, to make thee a double-dealer; which, out of question, thou wilt be, if my cousin do not look exceedingly narrowly to thee. BENEDICK Come, come, we are friends: let's have a dance ere we are married, that we may lighten our own hearts and our wives' heels. LEONATO We'll have dancing afterward. BENEDICK First, of my word; therefore play, music. Prince, thou art sad; get thee a wife, get thee a wife: there is no staff more reverend than one tipped with horn. [Enter a Messenger] Messenger My lord, your brother John is ta'en in flight, And brought with armed men back to Messina. BENEDICK Think not on him till to-morrow: I'll devise thee brave punishments for him. Strike up, pipers. [Dance] [Exeunt]